Nikki Glaser
My boyfriend and I are not good at fighting. We're better than we were when we started dating - two breakups and three years ago - but it's never come naturally to either of us. I have often wished we fought like I imagine Pink and Carey Hart fight.Collection: Dating
I think I deal with my anger toward my relationship or about my relationship or about my friendships or my family - I deal with it on stage in a passive-aggressive way, and that can be very harmful if it gets back to them, which it always does.Collection: Anger
I like guys with a sense of humor who smile a lot and are kind.Collection: Smile
I don't know what that is because to me, Feb. 14 is Rob Thomas' birthday, and that's only what I acknowledge it as. I just like to celebrate that as Rob Thomas' birthday.Collection: Birthday
The transgender bathroom thing - it's just so obvious that people are scared of what they don't understand. It's like, 'I don't want to deal with the fact that some people might have been born in the wrong body.'
My boyfriend and I have finally learned how to embrace confrontation as something that will only help us as a couple.
I went and hung out at a foot fetish party, and I knew that was a very popular fetish to have, but I didn't realize how amazing it would be to have it.
People are just so insensitive because they're ignorant; they don't understand, so they're scared of what they're ignorant of.
I just got a new dog, so I was worried that he'd hate the fireworks, and he did, but just because he's not a patriot, not because of the loud sounds. The loud sounds he's fine with - he just hates America.
Make eye contact with cute strangers. Give guys your email. Email is safer than a number, or at least it feels that way.
Being pretty was always a very big thing growing up.
Someone told me I looked like a young Tonya Harding recently, as if 'young' would soften the blow.
Why am I sharing this part of my life when it opens me up to judgment? But part of me wants to share that part of my life because I think non-monogamy is a normal thing for human beings to want.
There's actually a thing called Wikifeet that's the Wikipedia of celebrity girls' feet.
I won't tackle something like furries, because there's nothing new to say. Also, I won't do anything that I think will put my life at risk.
I like putting myself in uncomfortable situations.
As far as how I approach the humor, I think the best comedy is going to happen when I'm myself and act organically to a news item or situation.
The best stuff - the most interesting stuff - usually happens when I allow myself to be in the moment and working from that space.
I am a woman, so I never want to hide that or be like, 'I'm one of the boys,' because I'm not. I am aware of our audience. We always aim for the right combo of not hitting people over head but still getting our message across.
I think people are afraid of the concept of open relationships. Like, 'I will not accept this.' They don't have to! No one is telling them to. But it might work for other people.
My standup is years and years of me working things out on the road. I'm really proud of it! A lot of it is about, well... I don't know why I feel this way, but I feel like every special or show I do is some variation on how I feel like I'm not a girl, not yet a woman.
Everything I write in my show is a collaboration with a team.
I'm learning that if you put yourself out there and make fun of yourself first, it really does work. People can't really make fun of you.
All my relatives and friends have been pretty aware of my brand of humor for a while, so none of them have been shocked.
Funny is funny. If it's funny enough to women, it will be funny to men. I think that's been proven by Broad City and Amy Schumer. They're killing it.
The more you work in this business as a comedian, the closer you get to just being yourself onstage, on camera, the more well received you are.
I remember the 'Jenny McCarthy Show' being kind of funny, and I remember her being just like one of the boys. I remember her being counter to everything I thought girls should be on TV, or whatever. I kind of liked her vibe.
Just sharing things that are either embarrassing or possibly relatable, searching for that laugh so that someone makes me feel less alone. Like, 'Oh, they laughed, so they get what I'm saying.
I've talked about my relationship without consulting my boyfriend about whether or not he wants that talked about, and I've also taken a story that has happened with us and, for comedic purposes, exaggerated it or changed it in some way that made him look not great.
Jimmy Fallon's strengths are that he's fun, and he's good at impressions, and he's musically inclined. And my strength is that I'm a joke writer, but I also have no filter, and I think that that's not a talent per se, but it's just a thing about myself that I have found that people like about what I do.
Rob Thomas loves nothing more than for couples to go on dates, and he loves chocolates. Boxes of 20 chocolates.
My sister was very, very beautiful and I was very not. Doing comedy is the greatest thing ever because you don't have to do that, and I've since learned to let go of that.
I would much rather be someone with high self-esteem and less funny.
I just realized I have probably spent more time in a strip club than Rihanna has, and that is saying a lot because she goes a lot!
We just learned about this fetish where guys just give women money and know that they are spending their money. It's not like a sugar daddy thing. It's like financial domination, or something like that. These guys just want to give you money.
I had a guy on Facebook for, like, years just asking if he could PayPal me money, and of course I have to say no when, really, I'm just like, 'Why wouldn't I? He doesn't want anything for it.'
I'm in a relationship and have never been on Tinder as a single woman, but from what I have seen, I think it is always good to have a picture with an animal to show that you are kind.
I was inspired by people telling me I should be a comedian. I tried it and had a really good first set, so I was like, 'OK, I'll do this forever'.
I remember thinking years ago about getting a half special, 'When you get that, that will be it. That will be all you need to feel validated in this world.' I feel like that special was just another set.
I have to say that it's fun to write for young girls, and it's exciting to know that we're influencing them and they're looking at us like, 'I want to grow up and be like them.' I mean, I just made up the person saying that.
I'm so glad I'm not in college anymore. I'm so glad I'm not having kids.
If anyone's going to bring about mass extinction, it'll be Donald Trump.
Up until recently, I've said, 'I don't notice the sexism in the industry.'
As a female comic, if you talk about sex in any capacity, you will be branded a 'sex comic,' so I might as well go full force on it.
Things end in this business. Shows get canceled, or you walk away from them - but most likely, things get canceled.
I've been saying inappropriate things since I was a kid.
I just want to open people's eyes to different things.
I was lucky enough to find stand-up really early in life. And I'm so grateful that I did, because the second I found it, I was like, 'I know what I want to do'.
It strikes me as pretty interesting and cool how girls support each other in this business. I've never felt so much support in my life than from my fellow female comedians. I attribute much of my success to some of them.
Nothing really shocks me anymore.